I wasn't always this open.
I used to cover up for Africa. You see, I never thought I would get married. I had no desire to. So when somehow I found myself married, I decided I wouldn't fail at it. I would succeed at it even if I died trying. It didn't help that I came from a family where the women were taught to build their homes no matter what. Even if it doesn't make logical sense, even when you're dying and miserable in the process, just build your damn home.
So I covered up a lot of wrong that was done to me. I was going to be a success at this thing even if it killed me.
When I finally had enough and decided to leave, nobody believed me.
I had painted this picture of an amazing marriage. I had hidden things I had no business hiding because I didn't want to fail at marriage.
My family didn't believe me. Even friends. They felt I was over reacting.
"Beating you ke? How can a man beat you? A whole you? Stop lying. There's no man born of a woman that can beat you. Upon all your school? Stop lying. Just say you're tired of the marriage jor"
You see, I don't blame them. I had excuses to cover up everything. When I had bandages on my arm, I'd tell people I fell and claim I'm a clumsy person. Me? Clumsy? Laughable.
I had always been an outspoken person so they didn't understand how I'd be suffering abuse and still stay. But they didn't know the damage societal expectations can do to a psyche.
If I had left at the first beating, we wouldn't even have gotten married. 3 days to the wedding, I'd have called the whole thing off but a voice told me I couldn't. We had bought cow o. The IVs had been sent out.
And till this day, I regret listening to that voice
I'm out. Thankfully. But you might not be so lucky. And when you die there, if he doesn't go round accusing you of infidelity as was the case of Ronke Shonde, nobody will believe you because you decided to hide and hide and hide till you couldn't hide anymore.
This is the story of a friend, told by the abused herself. I decided to repost it here, to bring our attention to domestic violence against women. Lots of women have lost their lives to this, and yes I know divorce wrecks the minds of children who have to witness their parents split and can be considered a social vice, but it is a lesser evil. Because those children would rather mummy left daddy and is still alive, than be a product of a family where daddy killed mummy. Ronke Shonde and countless other women died from domestic violence, they paid the ultimate price in the name of being "good wives"
If a man is brutal, and abusive towards you, leave while u still can, leave before he kills you, leave before its too late, it takes more courage to leave than to stay. Don't stay for your children, leave for them.
#SAYNOTODOMESTICVIOLENCE
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